Iniobong (Ini) is a married woman. She was having dinner with her two girlfriends. Her two girlfriends have been in her life for so many years. One of the girlfriends is single and the other got out of an abusive marriage and is now a divorced single mother.
“That was a good time we had, we were so young then” Iniobong said laughing.
“You remember how your mum used to get so mad?” her girlfriend who is single said laughing so hard.
Iniobong’s phone rang, it was her husband. She picked up the phone call, her girlfriends were still laughing.
“Hi Honey,” she answered the call, her girlfriends lowered their laughter as their laughter turned into a smile while Iniobong spoke on the phone.
“Ok my love. I will be home in about an hour. I love you too” she hanged up.
“That was my husband, he was calling to tell me he found the earring I have been looking for in his car as he was parking. He has said hello to the both of you” Ini told her girlfriends.
“How did you get to have such a good husband? Mine would have never done such a thing, I am glad I left that violent beast of a man” said the divorced girlfriend.
“Yeah girl, where did you get such a husband? Good men are so hard to find” said the girlfriend who is single.
Ini smiled and said, “He found me, he saw that I was a keeper and each day, I make sure I remain the woman he wants to keep.”
The girlfriend who is single asked Iniobong, “I remember how you and your husband met, well, before he became your husband. He came at a time when so many men were after you, why did you choose him? What stood out about him that made you choose him over other men? If I remember correctly, there was this very rich guy who wanted you; what was his name?”
“Ekwere” said the divorced girlfriend.
“Yes, Ekwere. And we all thought you would get married to Ekwere but you chose the man who is now your husband” asked the girlfriend who is single.
Ini sipped her juice and answered “You are right. Every single lady will get lots of suitors and attention from men. But it has nothing to do with how rich a man is. For me, I chose the man who is now my husband because he showed me that he needs me. The rich man you are talking about, Ekwere, was full of himself. Yes, he was good looking, cultured, fashionable and ladies were after him; he could have easily given me anything I wanted because he could afford it, but he didn’t need me. Again, it has nothing to do with money, because there was also Akan who wasn’t that wealthy. But Akan too didn’t need me. He never allowed me in his life, never consulted me, he put a wall between me and him. He wanted me, especially sexually; but he didn’t need me. He thought I was just a pretty, sexy woman to have. There was also Andy who kept insisting and tried hard to pretend to be the man that he wasn’t. There was also Akwa, who thought the way to please me was to buy me gifts. And then my sweet husband came along and made me feel needed.”
The girlfriend who is single asked further, “How does a woman know a man needs her?”
Ini touched her wedding ring and answered her girlfriend, “When a man needs you he will tell you. He will show you his weaknesses, he will not pretend to be someone he is not. He will ask for your advise, he will keep saying how you make him better, you will see evidence of how your love is changing him for the better, he will accept correction when you tell him he is wrong, he will show you his emotions, he will not be afraid of you seeing his scars, he will be scared of losing you, he will share with you his success and his failures, he will say sorry when he hurts you, he will please you because you are the woman who nurtures his future with him, he will give you his time, he will be thirsty for your conversations, he will elevate you above every other woman, you will be the first person he tells both good and bad news or any ideas in his head. A man who thinks he is OK all by himself yet says he loves you, that man doesn’t need you. Such a man can easily use you and dump you leaving you with a heart break. A man may have a lot of wealth or not, but does he need you? Love is not love if you are not needed”
The girlfriend who is divorced just nodded in agreement.
Ini continue saying, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God. It means there is a special kind of favour my man should get when I come into his life. We women are created to nurture and all we need is to be given the space to nurture. Give us land, we will nurture it into a garden; give us a child, and will nurture the child to an adult; and when a man gives us his love, we nurture him to be an even greater man. We build an empire as a couple. A woman cannot nurture a man who feels he doesn’t need her. As a woman, we gain fulfillment out of being there for the man we love, we want to feel relevant and special. When a man doesn’t allow his woman to love him and be there for him, she feels rejected and unappreciated, denies her the chance to nurture. Men who are with a woman they don’t need; they cheat on her, they beat her up, they insult her, they take her for granted, they belittle her and they destroy her”
“You are so right my sister” the divorced girlfriend said folding her hands in greater agreement.
“A man who needs you will care about your smile. He will value you, respect you, listen to you, praise you, protect you because he needs your love, he needs your peace of mind, he doesn’t know how to live without you, you are in every decision he makes. He knows when he takes care of you, he is looking out for himself because your well-being is his well-being. He cannot leave you because you are too precious; he knows no woman can love him like you do, no woman has stood by him like you have. A man who needs you will value the marriage you two have and he will always be with you”
A message alert came on Iniobong’s phone. She read the message and smiled. It was a message from her husband.
“What’s up with the smile Ini” the girlfriend who is single asked.
Iniobong showed them the message on her phone, the message was a photo selfie of her husband with their four year old daughter holding a piece of paper that was written “You are the best mom in the world”
**Don’t Just Know**