Why did I get married to someone I don't connect with?

Iniobong (Ini) was at Imaette’s (Ima) place.

Both Ini and Ima are married.

“Who is making you smile that much? You’ve been on the phone smiling since you got here” asked Imaette.

“It’s Mfon. He is so funny, he is asking me to take a selfie of what I am wearing. You mind taking a photo of me I send him?” Asked Iniobong as she handed her phone to Imaette.

Ima reluctantly took Ini’s phone.

“Do I look sexy? Is this a sexy pose?” Asked Ini as she posed protruding her butt and lifting up her chest.

“Excuse me, why do you want to look sexy for another man? Does Mfon knows that you are married?” Asked Ima as she brought Ini’s phone down.

“Yes he does. Are you going to take a photo or not? I wish I wore my padded bra, it makes my chest look firmer. No worries, I am wearing Mfon’s favourite colour. He loves it when I wear pink” said Ini.

“Excuse me, now you’re dressing up for another man besides your husband? This is wrong. I will not take a photo. I will not be the friend who encourages you to play games with your marriage” Imaette said handing back the phone to Iniobong.

“Fine. I can take a selfie on my own. I’ve got hands you know” Ini said as she took her phone, posed and took selfies pouting her lips.

“There. Sent” Ini said as she sat on the sofa, legs on the cushions.

“This is how affairs start, next thing you know, you two will be having phone sex” Imaette said as she sat too.

“Who said we’re not doing it?” Ini spoke with a smirk on her face, winking.

“Are you serious? Iniobong you’re married!” Ima was in shock.

“I know but I can’t help it. My husband and I don’t connect, I struggle to talk to my husband but with Mfon, we connect. We laugh, tease each other, joke, get naughty. He likes to chat and know how my day has been. I think it’s because I am an Aries and Mfon is a Capricon. My husband is a Leo. Leos don’t gel well with Aries” said Ini.

“What nonsense is this!? Ini, you are having an affair. You are emotionally cheating. Once you start chatting and talking and connecting with another man besides your husband, that is an affair. An affair is sweet because it feeds a need you have that you deny your spouse to feed. Those who have affairs justify it, you are justifying it by using the stars. Ini, people were created by God, all of us are individually unique. Stars don’t determine who we are. Our uniqueness cannot be boxed and classified into twelve clusters. I have met Aries who are so different from each other. You are looking for an excuse. Laughing, teasing each other, joking, naughty stuff; those are things you used to do with your husband, he was still a Leo then. Something happened in your communication” Ima said.

“All I know is we got married and years down the line I started struggling, with Mfon it’s so natural. Mfon makes me wonder if I married the right one. Isn’t marriage supposed to be fun? Am I not meant to be married to someone I connect with?” Said Iniobong.

“But have you tried doing what you do with Mfon with your husband? Do you flirt with your husband, do you send him pictures, do you have phone sex with him, do you compliment him, do you tell him how your day was?” Asked Ima.

“What if my husband doesn’t bother? I can’t even recall the last time I had a chat with my husband on Repost. Let me show you how boring my chats with him are” said Ini as she scrolled through her phone.

“Wait I will show you. I am just a woman with needs” said Ini, still scrolling.

“You see how far back I am scrolling down just to find my husband?” Continued Ini.

“Nsisong, Mboutidem, Unwana, Ediye, there; finally found him” said Ini.

“Oh my goodness!” Ini was shocked.

Ima got curious, “What?”

“The last message that my husband sent to me was about three weeks ago. He was asking me out for dinner. ‘Honey, it’s been a while since we went out. Tonight, why don’t you put on your red dress and I take you out? What say you?’ That was the text he sent about three weeks ago. How did I miss this?” Iniobong was disappointed with herself.

“You missed it because you have been busy giving Mfon attention. That’s what happens when you emotionally connect with someone besides your spouse, you become distracted” said Ima.

“Oh no! What could my husband be thinking? He has never said anything about this. He just comes home and we rarely talk” said Ini.

“That’s what happens when a man feels ignored, he stops putting effort. This is the thing about marriage, when you two got married, you focused so much on acting like a wife that you stopped being his best friend. It happens to many couples, when they get the title of husband or wife, they feel so much pressure to act a certain way; a wife should act this way, a husband that way. Soon, the two start talking largely about parenthood, bills, chores, responsibilities and that gets boring and sometimes even leads to quarrels. Mfon became emotionally attractive to you because with him, you don’t have to talk about domestic stuff. With Mfon, you get to talk about you, your feelings and thoughts. But you didn’t have to go outside your marriage to get such conversations. If something is missing in your marriage, don’t go outside, introduce it in your marriage. Look at your husband, he tried but you didn’t even bother” said Ima.

“I feel so bad. My husband. He has done so much for our family, he doesn’t deserve this” said Ini.

“Marriage is what you make it. You can revive the communication between you two if you focus and let go of distractions like Mfon” advised Imaette.

Ini stood up and hugged Imaette, “Thank you for stopping me from messing up my home. I will cut off Mfon. I need to call my husband”

Ini dialed her husband’s line.

Ini walked away waving at Ima, “Hi honey, how are you?…. Really, how are you?… We need to talk… No, nothing bad… Just missed you…. We need to catch up big time”

Communication is the key of greatness in a relationship, nurture it.

Don’t Just Know